You told me, if this doesn’t work out, we will let go of each other, let’s not just stay and be hurt. I agreed. Because I knew, we wouldn’t ever be perfect. But I did try. I tried with all my heart. Against all fiber of my being. I remember that day you held my hand, it was nice. In fact more than nice. To know what it felt like after a quite a bit of time. But something was missing, I didn’t know what it was. I ignored. That’s it? I felt I was short of self-esteem. I hope you sleep alright tonight, cuz I know it will be hard for me. And I wish you well because I know despite our differences, you tried too. I know it’s time to let go of all the memories. All the fights. All the senseless nights when we stayed awake until dawn. Was it love? I don’t know. But I know it’s not supposed to be this way. Pain is toxic, but I don’t hate you. Honestly. I know somethings in life doesn’t work out that way.
When it started, it was butterflies. It always is. Her friends were happy, her parents were happy, looking at how she was radiating with happiness. Looking how she was a whole different person, how content she was with life.
But when things start to change, when matters dissipated, she knew it was something uncontrollable yet she tried controlling it. It was out of her hands. But she thought if she stayed committed, things would get better, magically. Denial was so strong that she didn’t know. Maybe she knew, but at a corner of her heart, she didn’t want to give up, cuz that’s not who she is.
Things are worse now. She cries, and she knows this is not how it is supposed to be. She feels as though it isn’t magical at all. Love had fractured her.
She told her friends, she knew she could depend on them. Not because she couldn’t do it on her own, but she needed a push to do the right thing. By right thing, she wanted to let him go. For good.
And she did. Supposed to be platonic Union of two souls, is not there anymore. Nicolas Sparks novel version of them is not there anymore. And she was okay. She knew she could cherish the good memories and let go of the bad memories like how she let him go.
And she was okay. She knew that she didn’t hate him. In fact, she wished him well. And she needed to know that it wasn’t because of her, things ended the way it did, she knew that she wasn’t the one to blame. In fact, none of them was. She knew sometimes in life things don’t go the way they plan to be. And we have no control over some things.
She needed the happy memories. More than happy memories, she needed to be happy. With or without someone. Because she knew no one can fix you, unless you fix yourself.
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