In the neon blue glow
of my phone screen
I see that the time is now 2.30
and this is the only thing I’ll be certain of
I tried to sleep;
tried to tuck in disbeliefs
and melt the uncertainties
with the warmth under the sheets,
willed my lashes to lock in
the camera roll of everything we’ve been
only to see you materialize
in the darkness.
not to think of our last conversation
now a part of a yesterday
in the half-emptiness of my coffee mug
and the telltale trio of cigarette butts
around the open page of Coelho
“If you’re brave enough to say goodbye
Life will reward you with a new hello”.
I’m treading on the unkempt garden
of our memories
and I can’t help but be a child
lost in the tall wild grass of our history,
turning over every word
just to see if there’s meaning
even if the more jagged edges cut
not to be so surprised
when all I found were almosts
decaying into the soil of time
feeding into the roots
of weeds and flowers alike.
Darling, here’s the thing;
you’re beautiful isn’t the same as I love you
I want to kiss you isn’t the same as I love you
you’re perfect isn’t the same as I love you
just the way
I want to be with you isn’t the same as be mine
I want to be with you isn’t the same as I need you
I want to be with you isn’t the same as I love you
I think I’m in love with you is almost there
but it isn’t the same
as I love you.
All we’ve left for us
and perhaps these will crumble to dust
in our souls’ crevices and cavities
even after the storm swirls to its conclusion
but never will they erode into nothingness.
I’m not certain I want to say goodbye
and maybe every wave of a hand in my story
is supposed to be a farewell and not a hello
but all these futures
will have you vining your way around them
into all the colours you painted our story with.
So lay me down in this garden.
It’s now 2.41
my mug is half-empty
and it’s almost half-full.
Every rock will be unturned and
the tall grass will wilt and
we will stop watering the blooms,
and since we’re both afraid of goodbyes
let’s make up one last almost.
Image Courtesy : www.frasi-belle.com